The Beatles really have something here! We hear it everywhere, "breathe, release, LET GOOOO...."
Easier said than done. I think every self help book, Facebook post or yoga class preaches the mantra, " Let GOOOO". Although it sounds great in theory, it may not be that easy. Sometimes we are constantly forced to deal with adversity at work, home and in our daily lives. How can we just let go of something or someone that deeply hurt us? What if the conflict is reoccurring? How do we keep our cool when things don't go in our favour? First we need to learn what triggers us and why. What is it the sets us off, how can we diffuse it and then mindfully chose not to react. Firing back in retaliation is not often productive or conducive to resolving the problem. Is it worth the uncomfortable knot in our stomach and sabotaging our entire day? The moment we realise it's not about winning the argument or being right, we can make the choice to just let it be and have peace. Most of the time we find arguments and heated discussion are often not about us at all, but about the aggressor's inner state. While the conflict may remain open ended, we can still remain grounded and find tranquility in it's aftermath. We can't change people or certain situations, but we can control the amount of energy we give them. If we shift our own perception away from the injustice or loss, we can experience it as an opportunity to work on controlling our own emotions. We can develop positive coping strategies during difficult moments. We can evolve. While we can not control unfortunate events or the bad behaviour of others, but we can control how it affects us. We can take steps to keep our cool and stay calm. We don't need take on anyone's emotional "junk" and negative vibrations. Let them keep their black, nasty karma! Reacting impulsively just makes things escalate and affects us on a deep energetic level. We are usually able to find the solution by keeping a level head and frequently find it is not such a pressing issue after all. " Don't get so hung up on being wronged, break the cycle of aggression. Shift your focus on to things that cultivate your joy instead!" Forgiveness is a step to freedom for our soul and our own mental well being. Though you might not be able to make amends with the person in question, you can shift your focus away from a stagnant, negative situation. You can break the cycle of anger and grudge holding through acceptance. You can chose to break free from the victim mentality and not give in the antagonist. Observe the person with compassion and the wisdom that their outburst comes from a place of pain or fear. Accept that we all have different ways of communicating and different emotional capacities.
You can limit your audience with unpleasant people. You always have the right to cultivate and maintain boundaries. With respect to these factors, we can generally learn to deal with many challenging situations. While we remain objective by not taking it personally, we can also adhere to these boundaries to prevent taking on the emotional baggage of others. We can take a "time out" to diffuse the emotional charge by agreeing to taking a 10 minute walk and revisiting the issue at later date.
Some things can not be resolved but we can gracefully accept them and move on by shifting our focus. Life is short, do we really want to give this person or issue all of our attention? Focus on the good in your life! Turn your attention to things that you value most. Don't get so hung up on being wronged, but instead shift your focus on the things that cultivate your joy instead! This is your life and you choose how to live it.
Here are some simple strategies you can employ to keep your cool:
Always remember this is your life, your choices, your journey! Everyone else you allow into your circle is just a visitor.
Respect that everyone speaks their truth differently.
Limit your exposure to disagreeable situations. Set boundaries! It is ok to say, "No" and walkaway if need be.
Identify your triggers and do not react.
Take quiet time out to "diffuse" after highly charged situations. Find a quiet space to reflect, take a walk, listen to music or vent to a trusted friend. Peace is your right!
Agree to revisit the situation at a later date in a more objective frame of mind.
Forgive and be compassionate.
Listen objectively.
Nothing is permanent, so go with the flow!
Everything changes, including bad circumstances. This too shall pass!
Recognise that this is just a moment in time and this too shall pass. Do not give them access to your joy or personal peace. Question if this emotional upheaval will be significant in a few days, a month or even one year from now? What can we learn from this? Hone your emotional survival skills and accept that change is not easy but it is inevitable. Diffusing the bomb is easier than throwing one right back at the aggressor. End the war! Be the proverbial "bigger person" and chose to disengage. Forgive, let go, move on!
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